Posted by: firstfruitsfarmne | April 3, 2009

Dying to Self, over and over…..

But God be thanked, that ye were the servants of sin, but ye have obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine which was delivered you.  Being then made free from sin, ye become the servants of righteousness.  Romans 16:17-18

Confession time:

I struggle.

I like comfort.  I like the idea of waking up late as I want, pouring cold cereal in a bowl for the kids–make that a styrofoam bowl I don’t have to wash later.  Sending the kids off for the entire day to school while I “get some things done” doesn’t seem half bad at times, if you ask me.  Washing diapers, hanging up wet laundry to dry, growing and preserving our food when we don’t really have to also feels pretty kooky sometimes, honestly.  And the thought of giving up more of my modern conveniences and possessions?  Well, what are we nuts or something?

I am NOT saying that doing or not doing some of these things is more superior or preferable.  Okay?

What I am saying is that it really doesn’t matter.  I could be living in a half million dollar home in suburbia, with people doing all these “mundane, lowly” things for me and I still would find reason to be discontent.–Maybe even more so.

Why?  My sinful nature is never appeased.  There is never enough I can do to please myself and gratify my flesh.  Never.  More possessions, more pleasure, less manual labor.  Isn’t that what progress is really all about?

Where am I going with this?  God has called us to a certain path.  He has given us convictions about the wisest way to do certain things.  He has given you a plan and convictions if you are His children, too.  But am I content with the path he has for us?  Am I obedient to His voice in my life?  I know I’m not always.  Sometimes he leads me to do some pretty tough, not so normal things.  I know I’m not to be conformed to this world and that I’m supposed to be peculiar, but c’mon!  That’s only supposed to be inwardly, right?  I don’t want to actually do things differently or, gulp, stand out. I mean smiling a lot and loving my neighbor is one thing, but being a foreign missionary, or adopting an orphan, or taking in an elderly relative, or releasing unnecessary possessions that have too much of my heart, well, that’s just too much!  (Just examples!)  I mean, I don’t want to be so different that I have no cultural relativity, right?  What if people think I’m… weird?

Why do I think it’s all about me anyway?

He died for all, that those who live should live no longer for themselves, but for Him who died for them and rose again.  2 Corinthians 5:15

Contrary to Dr.  Phil, I don’t need to make myself happy first.  (I need to die to myself!)  I’m not “worth it”, I don’t “deserve a break today.”  (I do “deserve” eternal damnation!  Thanks be to God for His great mercy!)  And I will never, ever be happy until I let go of my endless pursuit of myself!

I know this in my head.  Why can’t I always believe this and live this!  It’s a comfort to know that even the apostle Paul had to die daily!  I need to constantly.

Just so you know now as you look at the pictures of me hanging out clothes, or canning, or all of these precious children that I’m so blessed to raise—- Kim’s not perfect.  I struggle, too.  Some days are pretty easy and I just love everything the Lord has us doing.  Some days I’m whiny and tired and I have to make (or I should) a constant decision to BE happy and content even though my legs hurt or I was up with a baby 5 times or I’m drowning in laundry, or I have nothing pre-packaged to fix for dinner.  Even those days are good because they remind me that I can’t handle things alone and how great my need for Him is.

And after all, it IS all about Him!

I heard this once somewhere and it kind of stuck with me.

“Die to self.  Lather.  Rinse.  Repeat.”

Should make for a rather weird person, don’t you think?



  1. Thanks for sharing! I think we all struggle as women with the battle of pleasing the Lord, our family, our husbands, and the “worlds” expectations of life. It is o.k. to use paper/styro plates and spend time homeschooling. Or just use that hidden box of Hamb.urger in the back of the cupboard :O because laundry took longer. Satan will use our desire for perfection to mess up “our” plans. God will allow it to grow us. We will have joy in our accomplishments when we allow ourselves some wiggle room for learning. Remember the best cooks are our Grandmother. It took YEARS! We can try to microwave our lives…Be a crockpot! 🙂 (live, fail, learn, repeat)

  2. OH I just love you my sweet sister in Christ! Each time you post, I cry…the Lord truly uses your words to encourage and convict me…both this post and the entry afterwards have given me lots of things to pray about and how grateful I am to have a friend like you to always be proding me on to doing what is right.
    Thank you.
    love and prayers, Jaynee

  3. Sometimes it takes God’s grace to get through the day. Sometimes it is just a matter of not trying to do it yourself and letting God pick up the pieces. Sometimes it takes a little less work and a little more prayer and crawling into the lap of the Abba Father and saying “You are Holy and I will let you do what you need to do.”

    God’s mercy is getting what you don’t deserve… blessings.

  4. I really liked this. Thanks so much!

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