Posted by: firstfruitsfarmne | August 19, 2008

A Bit of Rambling….

The house is very still this evening,  After constant activity all day, it’s a little strange, but nice.  In some ways, I feel like I’ve accomplished so little of what I wanted this day, but there are five precious children upstairs sleeping peacefully, happily.  And some of them are snugged into clean, line-dried sheets, which always makes a Mama quite satisfied!

Oh, have I been struggling with discontent lately.  I simply can NOT accomplish everything I want!  I want to provide the highest quality possible education for my children, cook totally from scratch, preserve a winter’s worth of vegetables for my dear ones, fill my home with only useful, beautiful, old things, sew beautiful wardrobes for my little blessings…. the list goes on and on….

Oh, and I want to do it all, learn it all…today.

It all boils down to arrogance.  I’m deceived to think I really can.  If I meet someone or read about someone who is doing something, reading something, or teaching their children something that is truly wonderful, I MUST do it , too!  Then I wear myself out trying to accomplish it all, while missing out on the MAGNIFICENT things that are already taking place in my life!  If I’m blessed to live long and look back on my life, I’m pretty sure I’ll wish that I had stayed put when my little boy wanted to lay his head on my shoulder for a while this morning, instead of speeding to do the next thing on my list.  I bet I’ll wish I had played paper dolls with the girls, instead of researching the latest, greatest curriculum out there.

No, I don’t have time to do it all.  I don’t have time to do a fraction of it all and still nurture my dear husband and children.  It doesn’t matter if so and so teaches their children Greek and Hebrew, that is NOT for us right now.  It makes no difference that some are able to accomplish heroic feats of domesticity.  I can appreciate their gifts, shake my head in wonder at their abilities, and let it go…  Knowing that He who created a good work in me will complete it…. eventually!  And it won’t look like anyone else!

Oh, yes, I know all that… on paper!  But I still long to be the “perfect” wife and mother.  And I still fail miserably, not just everyday…. hourly!  And this is where it can get really good.

Oh, the wonder that washes over you when you realize, REALLY realize your weakness.  Your absolute inability to please God apart from Christ.  How ridiculous to think I can do this on my own!  I am SO weak!  I can’t accomplish the slightest thing without Him!  How AWESOME Christ must be to take my place and present me perfect before the Father!  If I were strong and very capable I might not realize this so vividly!

So, I’m praying for patience.  I want to accomplish His will for my life TODAY.  Seasons of life will come and go.  Maybe one day, I’ll have time to figure out how my sewing machine works.  Maybe my house will be empty and quiet all the time, like it is now.  Perhaps  I’ll sew for my grandchildren and wish with all my heart that I could put the books back on the shelf one more time after Caleb dumps them off.  I’ll wish I could sit on the sofa while Ashlynne reads me another full length novel about a wolf family that she wrote.

Oh, my.  I’ve got so much to enjoy just the way things are.

And he has said to me,

“My grace is sufficient for you, for power is

perfected in weakness.”  Most gladly, therefore,

I will rather boast about my weaknesses, that the

power of Christ may dwell in me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

Advertisements

Responses

  1. Call it “rambling” if you like, but it sounds a whole lot more like authentic exposure and transformation to me! Yours was the very first blog I ever put in my “favorites” and today I’m reminded why! Truly, when we are weak, we become strong in Him.”

    All arrogance aside (in my prayers, at least), you’re so much healthier than I was at your stage – being able to appreciate “wonder woman” accomplishments, but not let your identity get tied up in doing the same. For w-a-y t-o-o l-o-n-g I’ve only been able to receive another person’s excellence as a blow-horn announcing my own inadequacy.

    We are BEAUTIFUL creations who shine best when we’re set free to be the ones He uniquely designed. Thank you for your sweet post this evening – it warms my spirit and reminds me yet again (oh, I need reminding over and over again) to be free just being ME IN HIM!!

  2. Kim,
    I can relate to your post, I too get overwhelmed at everything “I” want to do. I don’t get even half of the things done in a day “I” would like to, but we’re all still in processes of learning things that were never taught to us. I’m living a life that is so foreign to me,and I quite often find myself discouraged. But then remember too that “I” can’t do anything. Only the Lord leading, guiding, and understanding His ways am I only successful, but it’s all to glorify HIM. Take today for example, I have a ton of handwashing to do, and the floors are muddy from the rain, and I need to sew an apron. I’ll get done what I need to get done, and there’s always tomorrow, which is a gift from the Lord.
    Peace, Kris

  3. Hi there my friend! Thank you for such a beautiful reminder that all of us, no matter how much we ‘appear’ to have it together on the outside, fail miserably on a regular basis without a continuous reliance upon God. HE must be our strength. It is essential for us WAIT on HIM, and joyfully soak up every minute of every day without beating ourselves up for what we haven’t accomplished. I’ll confess to you that yours is one of those lives that I look at and say, “golly, why can’t I be more like her? She has a garden, and cans/freezes much of what she harvests, she has many beautiful children who she successfully homeschools, they live out in the country, away from much of the yuckiness the city- out where the kids can run around and learn and grow with room to spare, etc, etc”. We are our own worst critics! ha! 🙂

    Love in Him,

    Jessica

  4. That was a beautiful and wonderful post. You have described how I feel so much of the time. Thank you for being transparent and honest.

  5. I must say that I did my best bringing up my 5 kids…
    Now I appreciate another stage of my life: enjoying having time for me …
    I think God really planned things perfectly and I have no regrets about the years past and gone …
    Just be happy about each day, be kind to yourself too!!
    I think being at home for your childrens is the best gift you can give them, what ever…
    Just think if you went to work leaving them to someone else!
    You are doing a great job!
    Accept your limits and enjoy!!!

  6. I must add … when I say “be kind to yourself” it means, count all the things you have managed to do, not the things you did not do, having five blessings sleeping happily is so important!
    I used to give myself points! Of course I knew I could not do everything I wanted but I gave myself points and congratualated myself !!!
    Count all the postive things! The most important thing for your children is having a happy loving and smiling mother!

  7. How wonderful to share with total honesty where you are in your walk! Thanks for letting God shine through you! God is good, isn’t He? You have truelly encouraged me, and reminded me of what’s most important. Just as I was thinking “Why can’t I be like her?” Keep on being who God made you. You are encouraging the rest of us out here in blog world!

  8. Hello Wilkersons. I lost your e-mail again. Could you please e-mail me one more time? I love the blog I have it saved in my favorite blogs. I am attaching my Myspace but I didn’t put it under my name.

  9. Hi, As I was reading your post I thought about the days gone by for me. How I wished I could have known what you now know. Both my boys are grown and gone. I feel like I missed out on alot with them. I was a single parent and was so busy trying to me mom and dad that I lost precious time. I thought I needed to be a super women, to do it all to compensate. Oh enjoy your family! Sounds like your doing just fine! Raising your family in the knowledge of the Lord thats what matters. You sound like a super mom to me!
    Blessings Debylin

  10. Lovely post, Kim!
    : )

  11. I just posted similar frustrations yesterday…what a relief to come over here and see that I’m not the only one! Thank you for sharing and being so open!

    Brandi


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: